I'm a little near sighted. Actually a lot near sighted. If I don't wear my glasses everything is blurry. I can make out shapes and assume what it is I think I am seeing. I have had this condition all my life and it makes for some interesting situations at times. Take last night for instance.
I went to take a quick shower to cool off after my 2 mile walk. During the soapy lathering phase, I glanced down and noticed a big black dot at the bottom of my shower curtain. Dear God! I was in the shower with a cockroach!
Fear struck my heart! I froze. Any sudden move could cause the roach to attack me, so I ever so slowly scooched over to the far side of the tub (which was about 6 inches. not much space between me and a killer roach).
Trying not to panic I tried to rationalize what it was. Could it be the magnets that were on the bottom of the curtain? Perhaps the curtain had just flipped over on itself and that dot was just one of the magnets. I double checked the curtain (from a far) looking for the magnets that are on both ends of the curtain. Nope, those were still there. This was a new dot. This was a roach. A roach that was seeing me butt neckked (That's how we say naked in Texan by the way).
A cold sweat breaks out across my forehead. Good thing I'm in the shower. Trying not to panic, I think of my options.
1) Stand in the shower all night and hope it crawls out of the shower. (I couldn't last that long in a stand off with a roach).
2) Man up and just kill the monster (that's too gross; I'm not a man; I would probably end up having to buy a new bathtub because roach guts would be smeared on it and beside I didn't have anything to throw at it).
3) Make a leap out of the tub, hopfully passing the roach without him pouncing on me. (This is the option I chose).
So there I stood in the middle of the bathroom, butt neckked looking like a teletubbie covered in bubbles. I heard laughing. Looking over my shoulder I see it was one of my killer roach assassins at the door way watching me; Bailor, the killer kitteth.
I got mad and told him he was slacking on his job, allowing a vile creature into my inner most sanctum. He mumbled something about having foster kittens in his house for nearly three months and sauntered off. I guess he hasn't gotten over that yet. What Ever!
Regrouping, I marched myself into the kitchen flinging soap suds all along the way. I grabbed a broom and returned to the bathroom to see what I should do next.
I put on my glasses.
Using the broom handle, I carfully peeled back the shower curtain. I made sure to stand close enough to the doorway should I need to flee for safety.
Looking inside I could see that the killer attack roach was actually a third magnet on the shower curtain. In the last six months since I have had that curtain I never knew there were three magnets to hold it in its place.
Disaster averted...sort of.
