I spy something.....

I'm a little near sighted.  Actually a lot near sighted.  If I don't wear my glasses everything is blurry.  I can make out shapes and assume what it is  I think I am seeing.  I have had this condition all my life and it makes for some interesting situations at times.  Take last night for instance.


I went to take a quick shower to cool off after my 2 mile walk.  During the soapy lathering phase, I glanced down and noticed a big black dot at the bottom of my shower curtain.  Dear God!  I was in the shower with a cockroach! 

Fear struck my heart!  I froze.  Any sudden move could cause the roach to attack me, so I ever so slowly scooched over to the far side of the tub (which was about 6 inches.  not much space between me and a killer roach).  

Trying not to panic I tried to rationalize what it was.  Could it be the magnets that were on the bottom of the curtain?  Perhaps the curtain had just flipped over on itself and that dot was just one of the magnets.   I double checked the curtain (from a far) looking for the magnets that are on both ends of the curtain.  Nope, those were still there.  This was a new dot.  This was a roach.  A roach that was seeing me butt neckked (That's how we say naked in Texan by the way).

A cold sweat breaks out across my forehead.  Good thing I'm in the shower.  Trying not to panic, I think of my options.

1) Stand in the shower all night and hope it crawls out of the shower.  (I couldn't last that long in a stand off with a roach).

2) Man up and just kill the monster (that's too gross; I'm not a man; I would probably end up having to buy a new bathtub because roach guts would be smeared on it and beside I didn't have anything to throw at it).

3) Make a leap out of the tub, hopfully passing the roach without him pouncing on me. (This is the option I chose).

So there I stood in the middle of the bathroom, butt neckked looking like a teletubbie covered in bubbles. I heard laughing.  Looking over my shoulder I see it was one of my killer roach assassins at the door way watching me;  Bailor, the killer kitteth. 

I got mad and told him he was slacking on his job, allowing a vile creature into my inner most sanctum.  He mumbled something about having foster kittens in his house for nearly three months and sauntered off. I guess he hasn't gotten over that yet.  What Ever!

Regrouping, I marched myself into the kitchen flinging soap suds all along the way.  I grabbed a broom and returned to the bathroom to see what I should do next. 

I put on my glasses. 

Using the broom handle, I carfully peeled back the shower curtain.  I made sure to stand close enough to the doorway should I need to flee for safety. 

Looking inside I could see that the killer attack roach was actually a third magnet on the shower curtain.  In the last six months since I have had that curtain I never knew there were three magnets to hold it in its place.

Disaster averted...sort of.

Heart health

According to research by eatting a piece of dark or milk chocolate EVERYDAY you can lower your risk of heart disease by 37%!.  Though you should eat no more than 200 hersey kisses

or one small square from a chocolate bar.

Well if its going to help my heart I will do what I gotta do. 

Here's to heart health!

Life without TV part whatever......

Once upon a time (a few years back) I was in for my annual Doctor's visit and he told me I was fat.  He's German and does not mince words.  Just straight and to the point that man.

After I stopped crying, he told me that I should eat only those things I DON'T see on TV. 

So you know where I am going with this don't you? 

Since I haven't been watching TV.....

today I had a McGriddle for breakfast

and Chicken Fingers from Whataburger! 

Yum

Exercise dilemma

Trying to catch up on my reading, I came across an article that talked about what you can do to burn off 1,000 calories worth of chocolate (put me within a 10 miles radius of plain M&M's and it can happen). 

You can:

Go bowling for 5 hours - That's fine but what about all the cheese nachos and beer I consume?

Walk for 3 hours - Send me to a shopping mall. I wonder what they have in the food court?

Wash dishes for 7 hours - Not a problem as long as my dishwasher holds out.  7 hours straight might wear it out.

Climb stairs for 2 - Nope.  Heard a nasty story once about walking up stairs so I couldn't do it.  It had to do with boogers on the hand rail. 

Do aerobics for 2 -  I get winded just reaching for the remote. I wonder if I can watch a video for two hours?  

I will be glad when January is over and they stop talking about all the New Year's delusions resolutions tips and start telling us which chocolate is best for Valentine's Day! 

Me First

I work out. 

Sometimes.

Usually its after I eat a box of Oreo Chocolate Double Stuff cookies. YUM YUM!

So when I need inspiration to "move it" I listen to these guys....






I don't know why.  I guess the answer is blowin' in the wind.

Aren't jelly beans a veggie?

As you may remember, I'm not that into New Year's Resolutions.  You would think my friends remembered that but alas, they don't. This is a conversation I had the other day with a friend.


Friend:  "What's your New Year's Resolutions?"


Me:  "Not to have any."


Friend:  "What!? Why!? Everyone needs to have a goal. A plan.  You should have one."


Me:  "I don't want one."


Friend:  "You really should have one.  Don't you want to improve your life?"


Me:  "Who doesn't?"

Friend: "I have some.  To exercise more, to lose weight and to eat healthier."


Me: "Then can I have your french fries?"


Friend:  "I'm serious." 

Me:  "So am I."

Friend:  "Starting next week I am going to change my whole routine. You should at least exercise."


Me: "I already do, thanks for noticing."

Friend:  "Maybe you should eat veggies.  That could be your resolution. To eat vegetables. Not more veggies, because you don't eat any, but to include them in your diet."


Me:  "I already eat veggies."


Friend:  "No you don't.  What veggies do you eat?"


Me:  "Candy Corn and Jelly Beans."


Friend:  (Rolls eyes). "Maybe I should add make new friends to my resolutions."



 

Your getting sleepy...very sleepy

Having trouble sleeping?  According to reports people who stretched  15 to 30 minutes a day helped cut back on sleep problems by 30%.  The stretching helps to relieve stress and muscle aches making it easier for you to drift off to sleep. 

I guess Stretch Armstrong was in a perpetual state of coma given his line of work.

Happy dreams.

Karma...its a .....

tscardiff.smartemail.co.uk

The other day I was reading a post by a blogger i like to follow.  He told a story about how he almost killed himself at the gym.  Well, I laughed.  He is a great story teller and he painted a really great picture but I think a part of me knows deep down I have a warped sense of humor and tend to laugh at peoples pain. Sad to admit but true.

Last night I was out walking Maddie the foster dog when I slipped in mud and fell face down in middle of it. Not once. Twice. 

Thankfully all my neighbors were outside and witnessed my face planting. Both times.

That karma will get you every time.

Strollin' Strollin' Strollin'

Since my kitteths have not given me permission to have a dog I must borrow one from time to time.  This is Maddie, the foster dog .  She and I are walking through the hood.  I like having a foster.  It's like going to a library and checking out a book only its a dog. 

Bend it like Gumby

Photo by Ron Sombilon Gallery on Flickr

I would like to say this is me at my yoga class but it isn’t.  I couldn’t get into that yoga outfit much less the pose.

 Do you have any idea the amount of upper arm strength she has?! I’m just hoping one day to be able to do push-ups in plank pose. 

Wrinkle me this

There are about 57 muscles in your face and just like the ones in your body, these will start to sag and droop over time. As my birthday approaches I can start to see the cracks, crevices and JOWLS! Oh my!

So what's a girl to do? Surgery? That's a little too expensive for me now and it probably hurts. Botox? Shooting poison in my head doesn't appeal to me and plus I'm sure it doesn't work on the jowls.

Well here's something that is not so new but its beginning to take the medical community and yoga studios by storm. Facial Yoga. For only 20 minutes a day by contorting your face into weird shapes and goofy looks you can transform yourself into a younger looking you. Some experts say that if you do these exercises everyday for 20 minutes you will begin to notice a difference in two to four weeks.

This isn't fast but its cheap and natural, not to mention natural looking. Do some research and check it out on the web. See if your local yoga studio offers classes or get the exercises off the web. You can even get an App for it.

Maybe by this time next year I will look younger than I did this year!